In a Blink of an Eye

"Time flies when you are having fun."

The last 9 months have seriously felt like a blink of an eye. When i think back it feels like Chinese New Year was just yesterday and I just got to Brunei. Now it basically the end of September and October is just around the corner! Where did all the time go? In a few days it will be Thanksgiving back in Vancouver! oh how ill miss this fall season.. In a few days it will be my birthday! ...and In a few months time it will be Christmas! Even though Brunei is a slow and steady country... days still pass by really quickly... i dont really understand why.. except that i must be having fun!

today went to a family friends wedding, in the morning got to see all the really traditional chinese practices at their home.  i often wonder how weddings work if Christ isn't at the center of their lives. it is just something i ponder about. Wedding days always seem to end to quickly! You spend months planning and preparing and waiting..and then the day comes and goes so fast! Also like Christmas too hahaha i think...

This coming week is gunna be either really boring.. or really interesting...im hoping the later.. parents are off to china..and ill be holding down the fort =]

Lord Thank You today for:
1) Family friends in Brunei that are so helpful. Car battery died yesterday went to dad's friends store before the wedding we were in a rush.. and he was like no prob changed the car battery in 5 mins.. the best part here is like ask can pay later..CAN no problem! hahahaha wow!! such small things like that is amazing leaving without pay.. lol its like stealing! ...so much trust here
2) Amazing home cooked food!! had to hold back so much at the wedding house
3) being able to understand hokkien
4) having a spa across my mom's store! =]
5) txt msgs
6) the nice dinner reception.
7) safety driving
8) the awesome storms here that remind me of God's power
9) pretty dresses
10) Bumping into Ah Sin koko at the wedding and him ordering a cake from me 

No looking back!

this morning went to check out kitchen equipment ... wahh this is really happening! bistro update: tiles are going down, walls are going up, grease trap is being dug...

also found out another new restaurant opened in brunei a german one..also operated by young guys.. man the restaurant industry here is really starting up! it is really exciting!

today after i kinda had an afternoon of doubt.. like am i in too deep, what am i getting into... lots and lots of doubts that i think really comes to me when i don't trust God and i am tempted by the evil one.. just trying to make me fall ... i often forget what my goal is and what i really can do with God

Praise God that he uses ppl along side me ..that don't even know what i am going through but just is able to talk about things that i'm experiencing.. there wisdom is like imparted to me at the perfect time..

From today no more looking back! No more what ifs. No more doubting in myself! God has my future. He has it all planned out. He is working for the good of those who love him.

Lord I'm thankful for:
1) Being able to have connections to Uncle James who is able to source all my kitchen equipment
2) Sam who got into JDC west
3) My koko who i can chat with
4) Taking naps
5) Aunty Potin sharing with me relationship advice indirectly
6) Alex inviting me to City Harvest cell group
7) Having a really encouraging and fun time
8) whipping up a cake in like 15min for family friend
9) sitting in a bug today! reminds me of home
10) a higher calling

My Strength, My Fortress, My Loving God

There are days where i wake up and the few seconds of waking up i don't remember where i am.... then it hits me i'm in Brunei...
I even think to myself at times what the heck am i doing here?!... and it doesnt help when i meet new ppl they are like wahh from Canada how are u adjusting?! (its like they themselves think Brunei is a sucky place with nothing to do)... doubts just flood my mind.... did i make the right decision.. what the heck all my friends and familiarity is back home.. -_-''' (am i a loner?) gosh fio... im in my twenties and im in a country where there is no alcohol, no clubbing, no partying well cuz i havent met those kinda of ppl yet... It is like God had to put me here to wrestle with the desires of the flesh... something i think i've always struggled with since young..wanting to me one of the "cool" kids who do the "bad" things...

i dunno ... living here the discipline i'm learning from God, it is amazing... but also amazing painful
Lord why is it so hard! Let your will be done not mine. Learning really what it means in sharing in Christ's suffering in my own way... God remind me of your strength and love.

Things i've been grateful for the last few days:
1) The rain that reminds me of vancouver
2) Even when things don't go right there is another day
3) Encouragement from my parents
4) Down Time in the morning
5) Having dinner out the last three nights
6) listening to old stories of adults
7) Having God to turn to always
8) seeing big families
9) hearing a story of a real life breakup and makeup
10) Having a God that uplifts, builds up, and cares 

Live like there is no tomorrow

the last few days that Chris Tomlin song The Way I Was Made has been in my head... haha i think about the time back in David Youth we wanted to perform this song! hahaha we were so young...

i wanna live like there is no tomorrow.. i wanna dance like no one is around..

"Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life"

Life is short. Eternity is forever. I want to live the life i was given in a way that counts for eternity.
What will matter in a 100 years time? I never really heard anyone ask that question before till today.. usually it is where do u see your self in 5 or 10 years time... it is such a stupid question that has been engrained in us since CAPP ... it is such a worldy view... where do you see yourself?! LOL (how the beep would i know, and even if i plan to see myself there in 5 years it is all in God's hands) ... we really should be asking WHAT MATTERS .. WHAT AM I COMMITED TO?... i think ill be pondering these two questions over the next little while...

Thank You Lord for:
1) family who call me with endearing names like darling, girl, nana
2) blessing me with compliments from strangers
3) my ah shiang jie jie who i can have heart to heart talks with
4) trying out this restaurant with my parents and having a good time
5) people who are excited and letting others know that i am opening a restaurant, how encouraging!
6) simple things like making food
7) meeting this random guy who invited me to check out there church
8) hearing things from you that i needed to hear
9) being joyful, and thankful
10) the cross that allows me to come to You.

A month in the gratitude challenge

I think it has been a month since i started the gratituge challenge again something like that i haven't been keeping track of the days. I can't believe how fast the days are flying by though. It is already September 20th!

"But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends. A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent."

It is so interesting to think that God is not bound by the same time as we are. One day could be like years, and years could be like a single day... so interesting!

I'm thankful for:
1) Getting to share a fresh coconut with my mommy after our time at tasek.
2) Seeing another sign of generosity from ppl in brunei. After we drank the coconut finished we got it opened to eat the inside. The old haji man noticed there wasnt much meat in it and he started cutting a new one for us! Wow gave it to us for free... not much things anymore in this world come by for free unless they are samples LOL
3) Having time to sleep in
4) Milo and coffee
5) the beauty of nature, getting to see monkey
6) Robot necklas
7) prayer
8) food that i eat- made a lovely pasta salad last night with bowtie pasta so cute the pasta. haha
9) the creativity of God
10) pictuers that capture moments in time

Cravings

For some reason i really feel like eating durian right now. MMmm haha just thinking about it yum yum yum i want.

Cravings are a funny thing. I think women are more inclined to crave things. Is that true?

I remember this book called Soul Craving.
Soul Craving.... it is such an interesting desire...one that only the Bread of Life, the Living water can fill.

Thank You for:
1) my baking skills.. made this awesome chinese sausage buns last night just out of whim and they were amazing!
2) mini oreos- oreos just hit the right spot at times
3) skype
4) my younger bro
5) my faith that is growing
6) being able to veg in my moms office
7) my older bro for drafting up a logo design for me
8) giving me the strength to run up tasek yesterday
9) the continued hope for the future
10) knowing that the whole world is in Your hands

i did it!

i ran all the way to the top of the tasek without stopping today woooHOOOO !!!!!!!!!!
fixing my eyes on Jesus and the goal

Nothing is Impossible with God

time and time again i always have to remind myself of the character of God

it is so humbling to know that someone so messed up as myself can stand in the presence of God and be accepted... to be wanted... to just be myself.

it is also humbling to know that as a Heavenly Father how much more he wants to give me good gifts... i love the verse about how if we ask our earthly fathers to give us bread will he give me a stone? of course not.. i love my dad he is so caring and giving and always wants the best for me..i know my dad is super protective and even intimidating sometimes... how much more is God! wow

it is humbling to ask and receive.. to pray and be heard.. A great God listening to me..wanting me to ask

in all things... nothing is impossible for God or with God.. impossible isn't even in his vocabulary.. my belief and faith would be so limited if things were not possible.. too bound to the traps of logic and science

for how many times in the bible that couples were not able to have children because of old age..and God told them and gave them other wise... Mary conceived a child with out having sex.. God raising people from the dead.. healing the blind and lame instantly.. calming a storm, feeding the people..

God is a God of healing, restoration, provision, unity, love, justice, peace, righteousness. He is for the poor, for the weak, for the hurting.

it is humbling to know God fully knows me as a women, He made Eve for the purpose of Adam. For it was not good for the man to be alone. Women these days are expected by society to be independent do things that guys can do ... but really our core being God made women to be women to be a sustainer beside man... reflecting the tenderness of God..

haha where is this post going... no where in particular just a place where i can reflect on God
Thank you for
1) good recipes- made this yam kuih last night and tured out yummy
2) emails- and technology to email friends and fam in vancouver
3) clean water- the water has been brown recently here and you begin to appreciate the little things when it is gone
4) having a electric guy, kitchen guy, construction guy, grease trap guy... for the bistro
5) how time seems to be flying by this year
6) random yummy snacks
7) hope for the future
8) having my life already planned out before i was born
9) the faith of women in scripture
10) middle of the night quiet time

Thank You

Thank You for
1) letting me find a new place that sells the same kind of tiles for cheaper, $4 cheaper for each tile adds up =]
2) my dad's past connections where he knows everyone for some reason who can help in the construction of the bistro. Praise God for old friends!
3) leading us to eat at this burger joint that ended up saving over $4000 for making a grease trap
4) seeing ppl passionate about what they do watched this guy on tv talk about durians and u could see how much love and knowledge he had about the king of fruits.
5) such friendly ppl in brunei who are always willing to help and share their info... something in vancouver that is a no it is mine attitude... unless i get something out of it
6) my new hair cut =)
7) classic hymns that speak the truth!
8) going to CfCb with my parents
9) having the time to read a lot- books i've read this year.. all three hunger games, the heavenly man, surprised by the voice of God, when God writes your love story, let me be a women ...
10) the power of prayer

Love deeply

as humans we are not perfect. the only person who can perfectly love is God.
His love knows no end, anything i do does not change the amount He loves me, i can't make God love me more, or less... it is complete
we love because He first loved us.

i will love others how God loves because He loves me

Lord thank you for
1) Your unconditional love
2) Your grace
3) Your mercy
4) Giving me second chances
5) Leading me on the narrow path
6) Showing me this really pretty red bird when i went to tasek
7) Listening to my prayers
8) Giving me the passion of cooking
9) a new day
10) disciplining me

Do not be afraid. Just have faith

how come i'm still afraid when the creator of the universe. the God who is all knowing, all powerful, all sovereign tells me not to be afraid?

i think its cuz im not ready to let go. afraid that all the memories will be forgotten. afraid that ill be forgotten about. and i dont want to be forgotten.. if im letting go he also is letting go? or already has let go. letting go i think of as placing it at God's feet and walking away forgetting about it...what happens when i forget something?

why am i not ready to walk away? is it cuz i dont have faith? or little faith? maybe i just have the faith in my head.. knowing yes God is good and he has my future planned... maybe my faith hasnt gone into my heart and soul yet.... how do i have great faith?  the faith like the women who just touched Jesus' robe to be healed, or the faith Moses had in God, the faith Peter had to carry on and become the leader of the church even when he denied Jesus before.

faith of a mustard seed. it starts small. it grows. faith takes action.

hmm walk by faith... walk... walk ... am i gunna walk yet?

Peace That Surpasses Understanding

I admire people with more life experience than me.
They understand the risks in life.
They also understand the rewards.

Dear God I am grateful for
1) the times i need to wrestle with You
2) the wisdom of an older brother
3) being who I am
4) placing me in Brunei
5) seeing monkeys at tasek
6) having time for walks with my mom
7) my canucks jersey
8) hope for the future
9) the passion my dad also has for starting a restaurant
10) the opportunity to start a restaurant

Just Some Thoughts

i think the greatest hurt in the world is to feel not wanted...
if i can feel that hurt.. how much more is Jesus hurting.. hurting because He is not wanted
He understands my hurt even more than I understand
woh

i read a quote yesterday "it is better to have loved, and lost.. then not loved at all"
im trying to believe this quote but right but i think it will take time.. and lots of it

life in brunei is simple - food, family, relaxed, slow and steady, poliet, couretous, even i would say gentle, and at times boring ...
right now im wondering.. am i missing out on the "good" life.. the fast life..

i think im a simple person, with complicated emotions

Gifts

"Single life may be only a stage of a life's journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gifts with thanksgiving. This gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived- not always looked forward to as though the "real" living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow."- Elisabeth Elliot

I am living for today, each day at a time, each moment at a time, I don't want to be caught up in the lie that "real" living happen when you get that big dream job, or dream family, or dream life... I am living for today. What can I do for God today?

What I can do for God is to be the best of who He has made me to be.
Right now at this present I am:
I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a cousin. I am beautiful. I am made for a purpose. I am God's. I am a restaurant entrepreneur! These are truly my gifts.

God thank you for these gifts and blessings for today:
1) the marvelous skies in Brunei- the changing clouds just always capture my attention
2) my cousin Yan Shiang for being such a support and encourager
3) Your justice and judgement
4) the story of Jonah and how his anger showed your great mercy
5) having Kaizen sushi in Brunei to satisfy my vancouver sushi cravings
6) Christian books
7) connections my dad has to help me with my bistro
8) my parents for being my greatest encourager with this bistro
9) waking up each day being able to come to you with anything and everything
10) humility and perspective of the prodigal son

Learning about myself

is it possible to care too much about others??
so much so that my emotions, my mood are so tied with other people
so much so that myself gets forgotten about
am i too much of a compromiser, too submissive, too by the book
or am i caring too much about myself??
what people think of me?

how do i balance all these thoughts
i dont think it is possible to change my personality, is it?
i told my friend P i need to focus on others more..to stop thinking about myself
but she was like ehhh fio. at this time you should be focusing on yourself!
huh?

why is this a hard concept for me to digest
myself, myself

i feel like i've been a Martha...caring about all the other details
trying to be the best hostest..
but really i forgot the most important thing
how Mary didn't worry or care about those things or what her sister cared about
she cared about her own relationship with Jesus
she just sat and listened

God loves me
what else matters than my OWN relationship with Him!

but doesnt that sound selfish? hmmm arent we suppose to love our neighbours?
Love God, Love others... love the unloveable. care vs love.. how do u define it

reading matthew these few days
"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." Matthew 10:14

im still learning to SHAKE THE DUST OFF MY FEET and not to throw out all my pearls to pigs.. but how do i know if they are pigs? yaaaaa ........ what is with all these thoughts

Gratitude Challenge
1) the beautiful red sunsets in Brunei
2) playing worship songs on the piano
3) constant reminders during the day that God loves me
4) this lady said i looked sexy hahaha i was just wearing a tshirt and gypsie pants.. made me feel nice =]
5) talks with tessa
6) this time to be available to God before starting the Bistro
7) pastor CP and her encouragement and care
8) chey chey leng for always being there
9) thai green curry yum!
10) the eternity that is yet to come

My Time is God's Time

I've been reading this Christian book recently called Surprised by the Voice of God. It's been a kinda an up and down book with a lot of information that at times is way too over my head but there are parts where also have learned some real truths about my relationship with God. One of them is about how dreams can be a tool that God uses to speak to me. I'm a person who doesn't usually remember dreaming at night but on those occasional times that I do wake up and remember that I was dreaming I always feel like it is something important. I get reminded of certain things and certain feelings. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night from a dream that reminded me that God is almighty, powerful, and that everything is in His control. What a comfort really something I needed and I just kept thinking about Yes God is in control.

Another truth in the book that I was reminded about is that I shouldn't be "finding" time for God. My time is God's time how am I am totally available for God, throughout the day? How do I serve God with every aspect of my life.. from sitting in front of a computer... to meeting with people.. being around my family .. working..eating.. sleeping..being bored.. being lazy.. being tired or sad.. everything... I often feel like the Israelites who are so forgetful one minute Praising God the next complaining to God...

I am remembering God is sovereign!! all- knowing, all- wise, all- powerful, all- loving!! It is amazingly mind blowing... when you fall, you get back up and hold on to the person of God

God thank you for:
1) Your promises "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
2) Your Sovereignty
3) Your plan for my life
4) Your discipline in my life
5) Your forgiveness of sins
6) Your ability to restort
7) the creative ways you can teach me
8) Your intimate knowledge of me
9) Your perfect timing
10) Your love that never fails, never changes, never stops, never runs out, never gives up

Confident Hope

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 NLT

Gratitude Challenge Day 11
1) road trip down to Miri to scope out commercial kitchen equipment
2) really friendly and nice boss man that was so helpful and took time to talk about everything needed
3) the bond between family members- seeing my grand aunt, grand uncle and baby cousin
4) chocolate mousse cake
5) finding this pretty dress thats mustard coloured and fit well
6) Chris Tomlin worship music
7) God putting on a light show for me to marvel at with all the lightening
8) Safety driving back from miri- it was raining so hard at some points you couldnt even see!
9) time i can spend with my parents because never know when they wont be around anymore
10) the truth that i deserve someone who actually wants to be with me and wants to take care of me

Bistro Update: Architect layout done today! have to pick them up tomorrow wooHOO Praise God! 

Digging Down Deep to Find My Roots

Lord thank you for
1) good health
2) kind people
3) my parents wanting to give me the best
4) chicken and century egg porridge
5) Romans Ch 7 that talks about struggling with sin
6) Romans Ch 8 where life can be lived through You
7) how my dad provides
8) heart to heart talks
9) electricity
10) the simple life

lol some random thoughts.
i like chocolate, i like ice cream, i like sushi, i like pizza, i like cheese, i like fries esp poutine, i like a good cake, i like watching food shows, i like playing guitar, i like playing piano, i like reading, i like swimming, i like playing tennis, i like listening to chillaxing music, i like watching chick flicks, i like taking pictures, i like being a tourist in my own city im living in, i like grocery shopping, i like having meals with people, i like dacing like a goof, i like stuffed animals, i like watching the canucks play, i like making food for ppl, i like cartoon movies like pixar, i like when ppl give me cards or letters, i like connecting with people

im not much of a clothes shopper....i like browsing through stuff instead of going in knowing what i want to get.... im not much of a techy..

Growing Wisdom

the last few weeks i think i've been growing up! u know why.. it is cuz i can finally feel my wisdom teeth poking out!! hahaha i'm growing wisdom!!! FUNNY!! and ironic at the same time.. at the perfect time in my life.. i always wondered when they would come... i think im such a late bloomer cuz so many ppl i know already had there wisdom teeth remove.. i hope mine dont have to be removed. i dunno cuz i havent been to a dentist in a couple years will see if the pain comes

speaking of wisdom there are some things i've "re-learned" or became real truths to me the last few days..things i had to write down to TELL MYSELF to remind myself..  and im thankful for how God has used this time to reveal these things to me

1) most important relationship in life is the personal intimate relationship with God!! - doesnt matter the family, kids, spouse, gf/bf, friends.. how is that possible? cuz in the end when all else fades God is always there, yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever... [doesnt that sound selfish dont care about your other relationships (no not what im saying, what im saying is need to find your identity in Christ not in others, we need to be relational ppl THROUGH God because of God)]

2) if circumstances/ relationships are hindering you from this personal relationship with God you once had. be wary!! there circumstances need to end or be resolved/ fixed... your desire of an intimate relationship with God cannot be pushed aside... even when there are so much worldly things at stake- finance, lust, material possessions..true repentance!!! true change can only come true healing and growth

3) God is loving you fully and completely ... why are you rejecting it and not loving him back fully?

4) You have free choice but God really really wants you to love Him, God cannot or will not make you by force to love Him even though He wants to!

5) God knows all things before it is done, and continues to know all things.  He can see the whole picture of your life. Even through times of heartbreak he sees, he feels the pain.

6) He calls you my Child, my Bride, my Lover, my All ..Do you call him your Father, your Groom, your lover, your all ?

7) It is only when you hit rock bottom and are at life's most desperate moments where you realize you can stand up again because of your faith

8) life is a process, sanctification is a process... it is not an easy road behind rose coloured glasses, it is going to be SO HARD!

9) God will see you through

10) There is victory at the end of the race because He has already completed it.

Where is my home?

i wish i never moved around so much in my life... currently my moving count in houses in my life is 12...
i often dont know where i can call home.. is my home in canada or brunei..
they say home is where the heart is
but i do not know where my heart is.. canada or brunei ... each place has different parts of my heart?

my home is in heaven and there are days i just wish i can be taken there already...

today is a hard day to think about what i am thankful for... but ill still try
1) being able to drive
2) my parents providing for me
3) the warmth of the sun
4) the desperation for God to fill me
5) being able to play the piano
6) wearing shorts
7) tom shoes
8) who i am in Christ
9) brokeness
10) ...

Questions

i wake up way before there is any sign of the sun rising.... i can hear the drone of the first of the five prayers of the day coming from the closest mosque outside

my thoughts that flood my mind...
why? why me? why now? why why why....
what? what happened? what is going on? what changed? what did i do? what have we done? what did u do? what did u not do? what did i not do? what are u doing? what am i do? ... what what what what....
who am i? who are u? who cares....
how come......
how can....
how was i fooled?

change.
stomach please stop churning
heart please stop breaking
head please stop thinking