Learning about myself

is it possible to care too much about others??
so much so that my emotions, my mood are so tied with other people
so much so that myself gets forgotten about
am i too much of a compromiser, too submissive, too by the book
or am i caring too much about myself??
what people think of me?

how do i balance all these thoughts
i dont think it is possible to change my personality, is it?
i told my friend P i need to focus on others more..to stop thinking about myself
but she was like ehhh fio. at this time you should be focusing on yourself!
huh?

why is this a hard concept for me to digest
myself, myself

i feel like i've been a Martha...caring about all the other details
trying to be the best hostest..
but really i forgot the most important thing
how Mary didn't worry or care about those things or what her sister cared about
she cared about her own relationship with Jesus
she just sat and listened

God loves me
what else matters than my OWN relationship with Him!

but doesnt that sound selfish? hmmm arent we suppose to love our neighbours?
Love God, Love others... love the unloveable. care vs love.. how do u define it

reading matthew these few days
"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." Matthew 10:14

im still learning to SHAKE THE DUST OFF MY FEET and not to throw out all my pearls to pigs.. but how do i know if they are pigs? yaaaaa ........ what is with all these thoughts

Gratitude Challenge
1) the beautiful red sunsets in Brunei
2) playing worship songs on the piano
3) constant reminders during the day that God loves me
4) this lady said i looked sexy hahaha i was just wearing a tshirt and gypsie pants.. made me feel nice =]
5) talks with tessa
6) this time to be available to God before starting the Bistro
7) pastor CP and her encouragement and care
8) chey chey leng for always being there
9) thai green curry yum!
10) the eternity that is yet to come