Where life has taken me so far...

i've disappeared from the blogging world for quiet a while and as i look back to my old posts i can't believe it has been almost a year! every time i wanted to share a blog there was this sense in me saying no it isnt the right time.. even though i had the time and had things i wanted to say or get off my chest it wasnt the right time... in my life....

last year at this time i just quit working at Saint Germain after saving up money to go on this awesome Asia grad trip with some awesome ppl! Pabs, Tess, and Paul.... it was an amazing trip with its ups and downs but we made some great memories..and some not so great..(the stench of the hot dog that gave food poisoning LOL! ee)  but i think for all of us it ignited a even greater desire and passion to travel.. and see the world...  for me the trip it felt like kinda a last hoorah for me before i have to grow up and really think about what i want to do with my life!

after the trip going back to Canada there was a month and a half of what now? what do i do with a FNH degree.. and i thought if i only decided to do Dietetics back in UBC things would be so much easier now.. i can just go find a job as a Dietitian cuz thats what i would be...and i can do that for my whole life..cuz they get paid well...ehh but i didnt think i had the grades..and i didnt even try for Dietetics....

FNH by name sure im a nutritionist but what does that even mean? lol for all the LSF students haha it means we know what AAASSS stands for! and what freeze dried ice cream tastes like LOL!! how many calories in fats, carbs, protein, how to have a balanced diet, what nutritional problems are going on around the world, food statistic and trends, how to help the community..i dunno random things we know cuz we were allowed to take such a wide range of electives!! come on WINE SCIENCE! best class ever! .... FNH thought me how to see things more as a whole picture really thats what i can take from it.. SYSTEMS! as we are called LAND AND FOOD SYSTEMS!

not knowing fully what i wanted to do made me really depressed...i was pretty defeated and not confident in who i was or i turned to others to give me validation..  i tried looking for Jobs that would suit me just for a little while..applying here and there online.. i remember Sam telling me thats not how u do it! you cant just expect to get a job right away and like it and know what u want.. u got to try out things!! it was a very heated discussion.... but inside i didnt believe him... i didnt believe in working for something i didnt have a passion for .. i didnt see myself working under anyone...i think i got that from my parents who were always there own bosses... i cant see myself sitting in an office in front of a computer the whole day.. i hate technology (in a sense: it brings ppl closers together yet further apart at the same time)...

i then thought i should go do culinary school at VCC ... i thought if God wanted me to do it i could just get in in January..but after i paid Admin fees i learnt there is a 10 months wait..and didnt go through with that..... -_-

at this time Paul was also applying for teaching jobs... at first a few local ones in private schools.. i dont remember if he ever applied for the districts as a TOC..lol i dont think so cuz i can still remember Carrie persistently saying to do it and that she would hand it in for him... i knew in his heart Paul always wanted to teach overseas... he applied for a few schools and got not only one but two contracts to teach in China! wow! he had his whole two years planned... where would i be in this plan? what am i suppose to do

Do i just run back to brunei to my parents?
i guess after talking with a few close friends and family they encouraged me to go to Brunei cuz they know my heart was to open up my own restaurant or bakery.. and the best opportunity for that is in Brunei... i would have the support of my parents here and all there connections to get things done.

It was a leap of faith.... leaving everything i know..all my friends.. my church support... my brothers.. my car oh i miss my bug... the culture.. the weather.. the everything...the food.. i was scared! so scared that Paul and i wont make it.. i never believed in a long distance relationship and i told him but he assured me everything will be ok! Did i make a rash decisions to move to Brunei? Should i have just stayed in Vancouver longer and wait to go to VCC.... i cant look back now

there are so many times that i wish i could have a time machine..

the first few months in Brunei were awesome like an extended vacation and it was Chinese New Year...i started looking into how to get funds for starting a business..and i began writing my business proposal...things were slowly happening! and all a long i think is this really happening?!

i then had a month of living here at my place a lone cuz my parents flew back to Vancouver..so i grew to know how to do things on my own here mostly the driving! haha..kinda found my footing..

then after it was like more vacation.. 3 months in fact... first my parents and old bro and sis in law came to brunei..and even gord and kevin for a day.. then sam and nat came..then ida colman and fam.. and then finally Paul! the last of the visitors....wow all the important ppl in my life came to brunei!! wahh so nice....

During all this visitors and fun times i knew this was a calm before the storm... u know how things seem to be going so well that it feels like something bad is about to happen cuz it is inevitable? cuz growth in faith comes the most during times of crisis .... i was weary that things were going too good and a crisis is coming around the corner...i knew because of all the visitors i had become distant from God...

After the visitors all left i got back to more planning and designing.. working on the floor plan and layout... it was quite challenging because the original location that i designed was not the place God ended up giving to me.. instead i got a smaller place in a better location ..a blessing in disguise..but i guess ill only know once business is up and running...the plans are in and im just waiting for approval! 

I thought everything with Paul and I were going well we were talking a lot and he was enjoying his time back in Canada after his first contract in China.. but perhaps we are both moving in different directions in our lives.. have different callings at this stage ...maturing in our faith as individuals ... it hurts and cuts like a knife and there will be scars... but God disciplines his sons and daughters

I will focus my energy and efforts in giving God all the glory, honour, and praise as He deserves all... I won't understand how He is moving..or why things have to be this way...

I cannot blame myself.. i can't think of the the what ifs.. and i can't turn back time...
I can just be confident in that i know i truly gave it my all and will continue to give my all!!!

they say "life can only be understood looking backwards, but it must be lived forward"!

thus i choose to move forward through the plans God has already laid